am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
