One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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