i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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