I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
