It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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