next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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