I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let's paint friendship bongs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think your dad took our porno
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
