So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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