Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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