my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
