His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
