i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
