Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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