Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
