You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
