Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
