I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize