"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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