dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
