my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
