You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
