The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
