She's JV to your varsity
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
