God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
