ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
