grandma shit on top of the toilet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
