Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
