when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
