he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
