i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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