do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
