My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
