It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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