So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
