in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
