The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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