How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
