theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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