Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
