dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
