you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
