hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize