the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
