oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
