I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
