I wannas sexs uuuuu
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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