Your dad touched me again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
