Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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