I heard we made out
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i would one night stand the shit outta him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
