My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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