How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
