Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
