the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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