proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
