Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
