I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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