Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
