I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
