As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
