driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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