This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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