Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
