She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
