I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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