I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
