the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
