She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
